my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
