Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
