It was confusing and full of hummus
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize