Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
