It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize