I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
