in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
