he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
