i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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