somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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