I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
