I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
