would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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