Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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