Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
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