My nipple is on Facebook.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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