And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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