he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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