There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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