I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
