how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
