I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
