This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize