Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
the liver wants what the liver wants
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
