His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
