it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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