weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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