Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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