ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
