They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you would pick up someone in the library
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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