ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
