just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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