she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I am puke
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
