and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
