She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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