im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
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