There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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