I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
Randomize