Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
