Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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