She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
they need to just BURY HIM!
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
