I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
