Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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