Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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