If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
