I am in a vortex of obligation.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
if only i could text you this smell
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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