meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
