I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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