i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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