1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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