I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
