haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
