Having a random hookup so left but love u
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
