you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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