Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
