why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
