Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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