And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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