Dude my mom stole all your condoms
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize