So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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