So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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