i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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