i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
