Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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