Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
