Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
