I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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