even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
