There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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