So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
