They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
