I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
