There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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