rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
