well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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