i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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