You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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