Man, jail baloney is awful.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
