He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
