he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize