it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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