I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize