He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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