this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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