I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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