I feel like I'm in dance class right now
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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