I could have mohawked her pubes.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
