road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
