dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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