took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I did not marry a roomba.
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