When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
